


Dress for the job you want

by boopboop



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Incredibles (2004)
Genre: Bucky Is A Troll, M/M, NO CAPES, Nomad Steve Rogers, Steve is in over his head, Zoolander references, and the ass of righteousness, misuse of supersuits, soviet supermodel Bucky, tea as an intimidation technique, the tits of freedom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 18:39:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9780071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boopboop/pseuds/boopboop
Summary: As Nomad, Steve is in need of a new outfit.Bucky, apparently, knows someone.Steve is just not allowed to ask for a cape.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sortofapenny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sortofapenny/gifts), [ViperSeven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViperSeven/gifts).



> Inspired by both [this](http://morgan-leigh.tumblr.com/post/88104705593/febricant-misspryss-febricant) post and [this one](http://stuckyfanart.tumblr.com/post/157261018329/jessfink-a-friend-of-mine-showed-me-this), here be a silly little story of Bucky and Edna being trolls, Steve trying to be nice, and the tits of freedom making a bid for... well, freedom.

Steve clutches the fabric – smooth and silky and surely too scant to do what it needs to do – and tries to pretend he isn’t plotting his escape back through the mansion.

“How exactly do you know her again?” he whispers, his gaze flicking between the glossy black fabric and Bucky’s smirk.

“Paris Fashion Week,” Bucky says. “I apparently had a brief but glorious career as a runway model in the eighties.” 

“You’re shitting me,” Steve responds, though he doesn’t see a hint of deception in Bucky’s expression.

Bucky shrugs. “You’d be surprised how many political assassinations are carried out by male models.” He's always had the ability to spout the most bullshit stories with a straight face and post-Hydra he enjoys yanking Steve’s chain more than ever.

He sounds completely serious and it wouldn't be the strangest thing he did while under Hydra's thumb.

"Try it on," Bucky encourages. "She'll want feedback. Just don't ask for a cape."

From the room behind him, a woman screeches, "No capes!"

Standing in the doorway of an enormous changing room in the mansion of a tiny but terrifying genius, Steve can only wonder if he will ever get used to the wild directions his life keeps turning in.

Bucky winks at him. "I can help you put it on if you need me to?" 

“I am sure Steven is capable of putting on his own supersuit, James,” Edna Mode’s sardonic voice sends Steve scurrying into the spacious changing room and draws Bucky back to her side, laughing as he goes.

There’s a peg – multiple pegs, actually – for his own clothes. Steve hangs each item up carefully, then considers the suit he has been given.

It’s… well he can tell just by looking at it that it is going to cling in places. Personal places. Which… is he supposed to keep his underwear on or…?”

“Don’t rush yourself, darling!” Edna calls from the main room. Her tone of voice makes her impatience crystal clear.

“Sorry!” Steve calls, sticking one leg into the suit. It’s probably safer to keep his boxers on. At least for now.

For such a small scrap of fabric, it stretches easily as he climbs into it. And it’s not as uncomfortable as expected. The opposite, actually. It feels cool and indulgently soft against his skin in ways that none of his other uniforms ever have. The perks of privatization, maybe?

There’s just one small problem.

One large problem, actually.

Very large.

“Sometime today, darling! We aren’t all government fugitives you know. I have _deadlines_.”

Steve takes a look at his reflection in the wall mirror and resolutely meets his own gaze. It’s just missing a part, that’s all. He’s not been given boots yet, so maybe this is just the thermal layer or something?

It’s fine.

He resolutely _doesn’t_ check to see if his boxers are leaving a line in the suit and marches into the main room, a well thought out comment at the ready for when he is provided with the rest of his suit.

He finds Edna and Bucky sat side by side on a low and painfully designer looking couch. They both have one leg crossed over the other, a saucer in one hand and a delicate little teacup in the other. She’s almost a quarter of Bucky’s size, but their posture and expressions are a perfect match. Bucky even has his pinkie extended as he takes a sip of tea.

“Er…”

“Don’t just stand there, come let us look at you.”

Steve tucks his hands under his armpits and tries not to shuffle from toe to toe. “It’s, er-“

“Comfortable, yes?” Edna grins. “I designed the fabric myself. You can stretch it into all kinds of positions and it will always retain its shape. Stain resistant and antibacterial, which I find is useful when engaging in the kind of activities you plan to.”

“That’s, um, very thoughtful,” Steve says, trying to find a way to smile politely at her and glare at Bucky at the same time. Bucky's expression is flawlessly smooth and perfectly bland and he’s not laughing his ass off at Steve, which means… Steve doesn’t know what it means.

“Of course it is designed to be easy to get in and out of, and you will note the lack of zippers. Please,” and she hops off the couch, teacup still in hand, to totter over to him and glare up through the thick lenses of his glasses, “do not compromise the integrity of my design by ruining the lines with whatever dollar store underwear you like to buy yourself. It entirely defeats the purpose.”

“Purpose?” Steve squeaks, now trying to cover both the offensive lines and his chest all at the same time. 

“No need to thank me, darling!” The glare melts away and now she is positively beaming at him. “Yes, I am terribly busy but when James called me I just _had_ to put something together for you.”

“That’s really very kind of-“ Steve tries to say, now all but pleading with his eyes for Bucky to come to his rescue.

“Nonsense,” Edna reaches up and tugs on his arms until he is no longer covering his chest.

On the couch, Bucky makes a sound that could mean he’s finally starting to laugh at Steve. Or it could mean he’s just taken a particularly hot sip of tea.

“Ah!” Edna coos, “I got your dimensions perfectly. Of course I did. Yes, yes, very good.” Her dark eyes follow the large V cut into the front of the suit – from the ball of his shoulder to the edge of his nipples and down, down, down to barely an inch above his crotch.

“Bucky,” Steve swallows, “maybe you could….” Help? Find the rest of the suit? Set Steve on fire before his own blush does the job for him?

“You look magnificent,” Edna says. “And now you must go.”

Steve takes a step forward in alarm. “Wait, what?!”

Bucky, without hesitation, sets his teacup down on the arm of the couch and rises to his feet. “You are a genius without equal, E,” he says, almost doubling himself over so he can press a kiss to her cheek.

She immediately smacks him in the arm, but allows him the kiss. “Enough! Out! Collect your things and leave me to my work.”

“Steve can change in the car,” Bucky says. “We won’t take up any more of your time.”

“No!” Steve yelps, losing his battle with the need to be polite. “I can… I’ll be quick. I wouldn’t want to… wrinkle it.”

He makes a beeline for the changing area and despairs at the way his reflection mocks him, his nipples on show to the world and absolutely no imagination left when it comes to… other things.

“You’re looking real smooth there, pal,” Bucky’s reflection appears behind him. He’s smirking, the bastard, and carrying a large, heavy looking duffle bag. 

“What,” Steve demands, a horrible feeling dawning as he turns around to face Bucky, “is in that?” 

“Your new uniform,” Bucky says. "I think she's gonna put Kevlar out of business." 

“My new…. And what the _fuck_ am I wearing now then?”

There’s no containing Bucky’s grin and his laughter bounces off the walls, brilliant and wicked. “That,” he says, stepping close enough to press his hand between the indecent dip of the neckline, “is what you’re gonna wear next time we fuck.”

Steve takes a breath and lets it out slowly. The suit goes from suggestive to indecent in a matter of heartbeats. “You bastard,” he whispers, caught between the urge to strangle Bucky with his bare hands or skip right to ‘next time’. "You absolute  _bastard."_

“You can send E flowers to say thank you,” Bucky laughs at him. “She likes orchids.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] Dress For The Job You Want](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15007118) by [boopboop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/boopboop/pseuds/boopboop), [thatsmysecret](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsmysecret/pseuds/thatsmysecret)




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